Dealing with Illness.

"To every life some rain must fall," I don't know who actually said that statement first, but my mum often repeated those words.  She always said, "Sometimes the rain comes in one great flood, other times it comes and goes, always leaving us wiser for the experience."  "You might be saying right now, yea some rain is ok but why the darn flood!"

If you are lucky enough to live to be a ripe old age, then you can be assured that illness will touch your life in one way or another, yet the real question is, "How will you deal with it when it comes?"  Believe it or not but its normal to find yourself asking, "Why me?" and its normal to get angry, its normal not to be able to cope, and its normal to be scared to death.  But will you allow any of the above to paralyse your life and stop you from living?  That is the big question!

Sometimes the illness that provokes you to grow the most is not your own, but rather the illness of a loved one, family or friend.  Just yesterday I sat scanning in some old photos into my computer of friends, having reached the mid years of my life, sometimes especially at times like Easter and Christmas, I tend to become a little reflective, not in a bad way, but more in a sense of appreciation of who I am today and how I managed to become the person I am today, having experienced all the ups and downs that have come my way.  This year however, this Easter has been a little different.  I found as I scanned pictures into the file, that I it was a time of saying goodbye, no I am not ill, or even sick for a change, thank God.  Although I was suddenly shocked to realise how many of the friends whose pictures I was saving for posterity, are no longer with me, or who are now gravely ill.  It was quite a sobering realisation that only a handful is in good health, and thriving upon life.

So back to my topic of dealing with illness;  I am one of those odd people, you know those who are strongest for those who cant be, one who puts themselves aside to help where ever I can, in some ways a champion of those in need, so I have been told.  I think nothing of diving in, helping anyone who needs a hand, and although there are dozens of people out there like me, the amazing thing is that not everyone can deal with illness.

Many times when someone gets ill, their families will simply not know how to deal with it.  They may get angry and push the person who is ill away, or blame them, saying you're brought this on yourself, or they may just pretend its not happening, or avoid the situation all together.  It's so important that in order for the person who is ill to recover, that families don't start a war over who does what or should I say who don't do what.  In plain truth some people don't cope and don't know how to deal with the emotions.  I suppose what I am trying to say here is, just because you are coping doesn't mean everyone else can.  It also does not mean they love you less or the person who is ill any less.  Sometimes people love so deeply that to see the person they love going through the anguish of ill health they just run away, it's all too much.  You see in order to deal with illness you must be prepared to go deep, deep into your emotions, deep into your own psyche, deep inside the realms of spirit, and not everyone wants to go there.  Not everyone is strong enough to swim the English Channel, and not everyone is strong enough to hold your hand while you die, or while you heal.

Acceptance of people is so important during times of illness, by letting people find their place in the chaos of the emotions is so important for everyone, don't expect people to do what they don't know how to do, and with any luck they will surprise you by stepping up to the mark in their own time. 

Find people who can give you the support you need, people like me are there, in the wings, waiting to hold out a hand, give a hug and cup of tea and sometimes a little wisdom of how to deal with things.  Blame, guilt, anger are all wasted emotions, after all they are not going to help make anyone better, they are only going to tare the fabric of your life apart even further if your not careful.  

Grief is not something that comes after someone dies, often the grief is more devastating while the person is ill, and undergoing treatment for illness.  And not every illness ends in death, thankfully.  However, relationships that may well have been healed in the process of healing the illness sometimes die instead.  The primary cause, terminal lack of compassion and understanding, terminal expectations of others, and terminal lack of courage, the greatest gift you can ever give other members of your family is to let them find their own position in the process.  Remember, not everyone has courage and some simply love too much.

Next to be publishes - article:

Living with illness  - Many Blessings.