Hi TRUITY

 I tried to post the following on the spiritual forum but it was too big so I decided to email and ask you instead for your opinion so here goes:

As a child growing up I always felt weird, different and unable to fit in and because of this I always felt lonely and separated from everyone else even within my family. After running and ramming my head into many brick walls over the years I finally came to be at peace within myself by accepting the past, appreciating everything that happened to me because I felt that everything that I endured moulded me into being a better and happier person. After reading the book of choices I have learnt to speak more positively to myself all the time even when times are bad. As a person with great interest in all things spiritual and metaphysical I am beginning to believe and trust that the voices in my head are my spirit guides speaking to me and this belief was sparked about 6mths after reading the book of choices and starting to talk positively to myself. I feel my guides speak to me because what is being said gives me feelings of love, kindness, non judgement and encouragement. This is why I believe it is my guides. For the past 2 years I had been moaning about how much I hated my job then after giving up on moaning there would always be a constant nagging going on in the back of my head but still I kept forcing myself to keep at the schedule. One day I thought about how high I had worked my way up the ladder the last time with regards to work and my social status only to sabotage and fall down extremely hard the way I did back in 2001. I realised that I was heading in that same place again so I realised I had to hurry up and do something cause I felt like I was going to rise and fall again.

There was something inside of me that was crying out so I went on a journey which I am still voyaging to seek what this was. I feel that what was troubling me was the denial of my spiritual side which I had left out for awhile only to focus on my materialistic side which in the end only left me high and dry. After letting go a bit with regards to work and study I felt alot lighter and continued to fully focus on researching and learning everything spiritual and metaphysical and I feel right at home and deeply happy when engaged in this area of learning or even speaking or communicating with like minded people. I know deep down within myself that I am destined for something in this area but am unsure of what it is. I know that I do want to help people particularly people who lack self confidence, self esteem, self respect and motivation because I have been a victim wounded because of a great lack of these with in myself in the past.  

At present I am still working on a few things like trusting my instincts, listening to my heart and finding a balance in everything in life so that I am not falling down to one end of the scale. All through my life I have understood things on a different level to my peers and even my family and feel very ripped off when engaged in conversations with people who prefer small talk. I really can't stand it but only do it to be polite. I have experienced a bit of phenomena also from a very young age such as seeing, hearing and feeling spirits, feeling and hearing peoples thoughts and feelings, dreaming about future events or even day dreaming them up. These I have all experienced but in very small ways I think the most strongest of my abilities is to sense people out alot of the times I have been able to see right through people giving me the advantage of avoiding alot of negative people I feel I have been drawn to all the right people in my life even the most bad ones because after looking back and reflecting on the experiences I had with certain individuals I can see the things that I had encountered and learned from which have helped me to grow. If there is one thing in life I find difficult it is opening right up with my emotions I feel too ashamed and scared that my feelings will heavily burden most people which is why I think they snap at me, look dull or put me down when I try to express my feelings.

I feel that the only safe way to realise my heavy emotions would be to speak to god and this is something that I have just recently come up with a few days ago so I am yet to do it but I believe it is the right thing to do. I really want to help others but I know I've still got a fair way to go in my own healing. So I guess what I want to know is where to start? Am I heading in the right direction? Do you believe I am doing things in the right order? Can any you give me your perspective on this.  

 

 

Hi L....., sounds like your doing fine, good to hear and share your story.  I suppose emotional intensity frightens the shit out of people, you see most people are as deep as mud puddles people just don’t like to deal with things, and sometimes people like you and I are just plain confronting.  

 

Try doing the exercises I am putting online in the members area of the website, they will help, they are the foundations which will lift your energy right up and out of the doldrums.  You may have had a hard life for someone so young, and the question is to ask yourself, well are you going to live your life as a victim? Or are you going to rise above it and use that hurt to motivate you to make something of your life?  Use it, get angry and use it to jog, make you stubborn to succeed, anything that supports you to overcome limits.

 

Sometimes you cant see where the journey is going to take you, and that is good, as we grow we experience new things, and what is going to be you just have no mental experience of knowing yet, so you must trust. Its like driving down the road in the dark, remember, the headlights will keep shining that 20 feet in front of you, and as you move forward it will keep showing that 20 feet and you will progress steadily just like that, you will find your destination will just appear, as you grow in skills and wisdom.  Very few people know where they are going in life, and lets face it most aren’t going anywhere…. J

 

I love to do things creative when I get stuck, or feeling stuck, I sing, I paint, I do my photography, anything to lift my spirits, I suggest you do the same, just go for it, and don’t worry about people so much, you will draw the right people to you, after all you found me a couple years back didn’t you?  Hey, we may not make hundreds of friends in a life time, but those we do make are generally there for life.

 

And family>well you can choose your friends but not your family, and very rarely are family fully understanding, simply because if they see you grow and change, they no longer know you or have control over you. And then that leads to them feeling insecure and then they think she is changing, my God maybe I should change too and I dont want to. Just love your family anyway, and dont expect them to understand, sometimes that is hard, but its worth it, I gave up expectations of my family long ago, and found it not only made me happier, but also helped our relationships blossom.

 

Hope this helps, would you mind if I place your story online,  I think a lot of people would benefit from it.  Love TRUITY.